Hypocrisy

I am a hypocrite. The reason I know I am a hypocrite: I hate hypocrites. And that's very hypocritical, especially for a hypocrite.

I know what I am.

Sometimes I feel like a kid.
Other times, I wish I still was.
I know who I am.
I'm someone who doesn't know who they are,
and is learing to deal with that.

Fix You

Why do all the happy people feel like they have to fix the ones who aren't?

I need to remember...

that acting or speaking in anger is never advisable. I have to remind myself to sleep on it.

Mom

The word 'mom' is like the word 'love'. It is not to be taken lightly or be used loosely. Giving birth to a child does not make you a mother. Loving someone enough to put their needs above your own, makes you a Mom.
i love you, mom

Independance

we're all so independent that we live our lives in a way that makes it easier to cut one another out.

Quiet Time

I do my best thinking.....

in the shower.

Running With Scissors

Where would we be without our painful childhoods?

Sometimes...

I feel like a boat
floating aimlessly out on the ocean.
It's a starless night
and I don't know
which way
is north.
So, I wait;
for something to come along
and give me a direction.

Gray

I am not black or white.

I am content to be gray.

I revel in wordless conversations.

I am restless.

Four Times Fourty

One of the most epic albums of all time turned forty today. November 8, 1971 Led Zeppelin  released their fourth untitled (IV, Fourth, ZoSo) studio record.

I've listened to the album in its entirety twice today driving to and from work because the radio stations are legally bound to play it every hour on the hour. (Not really, but it does kinda seem that way)

The first time I can remember hearing this album was when I was about four years old, and listening to it as an adult always give me a sense of nostalgia that I don't get listeing to any other album simply because it is the first music I can ever remember hearing. That is a powerful memory.

Listening to Rock and Roll or Black Dog makes me feel four years old again and, I can remember back to a time when I still had my innocence. It wasn't necessarilly the best time in my life, but things were much simpler. Even if my whole world was going to shit, I could still go outside and play in the sandbox or swing on the swingset in my backyard and every bad thing would go away. Even if just for a little while.

Sixteen (nearly seventeen, whoo!) years later and I find myself longing for such simplicity. The ablity to forget about all of my problems and just enjoy life in the moment, long forgotten. When I hear Battle of Evermore I can remember how it felt and it gives me hope that one day I'll get that feeling back.

To this day, my favourite song in the world:

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold; and she's buying a stairway to heaven."
.....

     "And as we wind on down the road; our shadows taller than our soul."
.....

     "Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems."

October: The End

"And suns grow meek, and the meek suns grow brief,
And the year smiles as it draws near its death." -- William Cullen Bryant October. A Sonnet

October is the end of the year for me. Not December.

And here's why: November and December are FUCKING depressing. Expectations. The stigma surrounding the holidays is that everyone is to be happy. It's expected. Encouraged. Demanded.

Traditions. Okay lets break it down...

Thanksgiving, in the U.S. is the celebration of the end of the harvest and the opportunity to give thanks to GOD for providing us with the food and supplies necessary to survive the winter. Except that this is the twenty-first century, and five-year-olds have iPods. So, we've adapted.
21st-Century Thanksgiving= time to give thanks for whatever good shit we have in our lives, and stuff our faces with turkey. Yumm.
OH!, and theres parades and football too. Can't forget the football.

December 21 marks the winter solstice.

Yule: the Norse celebrated Yule starting on the solstice. The men would go out and find a huge ass log to burn on the hearth, during which time the family would feast; sometimes up to twelve days. Saturnalia: My personal favourite, Saturnalia was celebrated by the Romans, not for a day, not for twelve, but for an entire MONTH. For one month, beginning the week before solstice, the entire Roman Empire was turned upside down.  It was the largest scale switcheroo in history.
Peasants ran the city's; slaves became masters; businesses and schools closed down so that EVERYONE could join in the festivities.

Hanukkah:  aka The Festival of Lights. Meh. Hanukkah basically means 'dedication'. It begins on a different day every year (because Jewish people are crazy and have their own calendar) and commemorates the rededication of The Holy Temple in Jerusalem. You light a candle; you get a gift; you eat shitty food; for eight days straight.
Which brings us to Christmas:  which basically, in the simplest terms, stole all the cool shit from the other holidays and combined it, tied it up with a bow, and called it their own. Oh, and later they added some shit about a fat man in a red costume who gave flying reindeer to children who only ate cookies.... or something.

POINT BEING: There's so much bullshit surrounding the holidays, that in the end it really doesn't matter what you are celebrating anymore. Its all moot.

 And commercialism has turned any cultural tradition surrounding that time of year into The Hulk on steroids. And PCP. And Meth.

So, here's to Halloween. Live it up. Because its all downhill till New Years.